April 23, 2019
We talk and preach about how love conquers all and that it can solve all problems. That love will bring peace and goodwill to us all. But before love can work, we have to be NICE.
Love is instinctive. So what is the first positive thing that we should teach our children? Let us teach them to be nice. Instinctively a child craves for the mother’s care and attention. A mother in turn loves and cares for the child. As the child grows and begins to meddle in everything that arouses curiosity, a mother starts the lesson in consequences and the reason for discipline.
Do not start your discipline with denial as most parents do. The stern No, No, No will indeed develop discipline, but it will also foster negativeness and begins the lesson in violence. Instead use a soft tone in your voice and say “be nice”, this will always create better results. A child then learns the positive way towards discipline.
When a child grabs something that he/she is not supposed to, don’t spank the hand. Again, this opens the path to violence. Instead hold it and lead it away and nicely give the reason why. You can say NO in a soft and firm voice so as not to instill fear in the child. You may think that a child can’t understand, but they understand your tone of voice.
Discipline without the reason for consequences leads the offender to excuses, lying, escape and treachery. And worst of all, it leads the offended (disciplinarian or people with authority) to deal with offenses by employing sheer punishments.
It is unfortunate that many children learn the negativity before positivity.
This negativity is carried over to adulthood. That is why there are so many bullies out there who would insult, make fun of and deprive others, and we have to deal with them. We can deal with them with prudence. Can’t be prudent if you are not nice. Prudence gives the bully a chance to change his/her mind and be nice.
Do not be confused with “turning the other cheek” for being nice. “Turning the other cheek” is being tolerant. And continued tolerance is cowardice. When ignoring the instigator, or when prudence and being nice fails, then an attitude adjustment is in order.
Try to be nice everyday. Being nice opens the door to respect and kindness. Being nice makes it easier to be polite. Being nice allows you to smile more often. A smile has a tendency to dampen anger and it helps brighten the day.